The three most common expressions in aviation are "Why is it
  doing that?"  "Where are we?" and "Oh Shucks".

  Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

  Progress in airline flying: Now a flight attendant can get a
  pilot pregnant.

  Airspeed, altitude or brains: Two are always needed to
  successfully complete the flight.

  A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three
  in a row is prevarication.

  We have a perfect record in aviation: We never left one up there!

  If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's
  probably a helicopter - and unsafe.

  Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for
  the purpose of storing dead batteries.

  Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like
  squatting to pee.

  Air Force Pilots to Navy Pukes: If you knew how to flare properly
  you wouldn't need a a cable plus backup cables plus
  save-your-ass-nets every time you attempted to land.

  Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight
  to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it.

  When a flight is proceeding incredibly well something was
  forgotten.  - Robert Livingston, "Flying The Aeronca"

  Never fly the 'A' model of anything.  - Ed Thompson When a prang
  seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object
  in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible.  - Advice
  given to RAF pilots during W.W.II.

  The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
  kill you.  - Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

  A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane
  to its maximum.  - Jon McBride astronaut

  If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into
  the crash as possible.  - Bob Hoover

  If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; Ride the
  bastard down.  - Ernest K.Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

  Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For
  I am 80,000 Feet and Climbing.  - Sign over the entrance to the
  SR-71 operating location on Kadena

  You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.  - Paul

  There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.  -
  Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.  (It
  was still there in1972.)

  What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and
  pilots?  If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,
  the pilot dies.

  If something hasn't broken on your helicopter it's about to.