PILOT STUFF

  
  The three most common expressions in aviation are "Why is it
  doing that?"  "Where are we?" and "Oh Shucks".

  Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

  Progress in airline flying: Now a flight attendant can get a
  pilot pregnant.

  Airspeed, altitude or brains: Two are always needed to
  successfully complete the flight.

  A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three
  in a row is prevarication.

  We have a perfect record in aviation: We never left one up there!

  If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's
  probably a helicopter - and unsafe.

  Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for
  the purpose of storing dead batteries.

  Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like
  squatting to pee.

  Air Force Pilots to Navy Pukes: If you knew how to flare properly
  you wouldn't need a a cable plus backup cables plus
  save-your-ass-nets every time you attempted to land.

  Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight
  to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it.

  When a flight is proceeding incredibly well something was
  forgotten.  - Robert Livingston, "Flying The Aeronca"

  Never fly the 'A' model of anything.  - Ed Thompson When a prang
  seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object
  in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible.  - Advice
  given to RAF pilots during W.W.II.

  The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
  kill you.  - Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

  A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane
  to its maximum.  - Jon McBride astronaut

  If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into
  the crash as possible.  - Bob Hoover

  If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; Ride the
  bastard down.  - Ernest K.Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

  Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For
  I am 80,000 Feet and Climbing.  - Sign over the entrance to the
  SR-71 operating location on Kadena

  You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.  - Paul
  F.Crickmore

  There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.  -
  Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.  (It
  was still there in1972.)

  What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and
  pilots?  If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,
  the pilot dies.

  If something hasn't broken on your helicopter it's about to.