Humorous Tales

From Andy Rooney:

"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm
Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You
wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me ...oops
... never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes
and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor
comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack
our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes.
Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we
pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of
     bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them
fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery
   Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's
only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit
on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of
sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all
right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at
my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I
couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those
other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over
to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We
get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and
grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd
been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck
got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I
radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take
the report. He went through his basic questioning
problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until
he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I
looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and
said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and
said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes
ago. Here's your sign." Anybody you know need a sign today?
Send this to all your friends. The next time someone says
something stupid ask them where their sign is.

Forwarded from my boss...and worthy of sending around the
world.  Think of how many times you've stuck yourself with your
Exacto knife (or drilled finger/hand/leg, then had your spouse ask
"You cut yourself??")  or worse yet, you're at the flying field -
motor won't start no matter what.  Cowl is off, screws laying
around, parts piling up while you're cursing and scratching your
head, and one of your buddies walks up and asks "Havin' motor
troubles??"....there are LOTS of examples, that's why I KNEW
this had to be available to the modeling world....ENJOY!!!